you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sext me about skeletons
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
