where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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