I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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