I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
