Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
