She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
