I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
