I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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