Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
