I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am naked and annoyed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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