My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.