I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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