Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
wow bdsm is so cute
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
