he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
