dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Please don't give away my fajitas
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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