hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
