The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
