I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
