Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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