I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
