I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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