using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
