doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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