There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
