I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
