I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.