So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.