So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.