True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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