if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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