she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
