good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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