did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
