I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
