we have officially lost it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
