I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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