My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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