the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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