with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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