I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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