i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize