I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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