your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
