so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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