Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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