Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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