she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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