please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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