yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
