you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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