just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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