all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
