So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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