he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
