Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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