That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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