Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
