we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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