all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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