I hate your face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
