His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
