just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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