so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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