I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
