I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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