My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
