saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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