i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
